If Love is a Game, These are the Rules: 10 Rules to Find Love and Create Love- Lasting,
Authentic Relationships, by Dr. Cherie Carter-Scott, MCC and Michael A. Pomije, MCC
Authentic love requires that you go deeper than the thrill of infatuation, beyond the rush of
chemistry, and sometimes that you transcend the expectations of family, friends, and society.
Authentic love requires that you discover and embrace your authentic self, and from that
essential self draw to you the person with whom you want to hold hands and experience the
adventure of life.
Yet what exactly is authentic love?
Authentic love is choosing your partner, exactly as he is; it is putting your energy behind your
choice and causing the relationship to be magical, rather than searching for reasons why it can't
work. Love is supporting your partner in her choices, urging her to fulfill her heart's, desires,
and go for all of her dreams.
Authentic love is honoring your partner's truth and wanting the very best for him. It is not
controlling or possessing, but rather respecting and trusting his unique path in life. Love is the
courage to tell the truth, especially when you believe it is unspeakable.
Authentic love means knowing your boundaries and respecting those of your partner; it means
reaching out when you don't want to, communicating rather than assuming, and asking
questions rather than jumping into conclusions.
Authentic love means working things out rather than fighting, fighting rather than leaving, and
staying through the misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and disappointments, knowing that
through commitment all can be healed. It means staying when you want to give up, and
honoring your commitment to work things out with the one you have chosen.
Authentic love means focusing on what you appreciate and why you are grateful. It means
focusing on solutions rather than on problems. It means focusing attention on your partner and
letting her know each day how much you care. It means treasuring your beloved, and never
taking her for granted.
Authentic love means living without judgments to create the safety to tell your truths. It means
living each day with your partner as if it were your last. It is the willingness to be yourself and
live in harmony with each other.
What does authentic relationships look like?
It looks and feels real.
It thrives on honesty and shimmers with truth.
An authentic relationship flexes and bends with the fluctuating needs and changes of each
partner and gracefully weathers hardship.
Both partners are committed to the growth and evolution of both individuals in their respective
life paths.
Much like the diamond used symbolically to represent the bond of matrimony, an authentic
relationship sparkles with brilliance and light while maintaining a solid and enduring core. It is
the context in which true love was meant to exist.
Of course, this is the ideal.
The real fun ___ and opportunity ___ lies in reaching for such a vision.
If love is a game, these are the rules will give you the tools you need along the way as you learn
how to win at love. Unlike any other "rules" (books on love), these rules you don't need to
study and learn. Rather, they are universal truths that you already inherently know in the
depths of your being. You may have simply forgotten them when you fell under Love's
enchanting spell. Love can be a powerful force that sometimes eclipse reason and sound
judgment.
While the experience of new love is among the sweetest joys in life, it also presents a challenge:
to remember the universal truths of how to relate while in the midst of your euphoria. We
hope this chapter will aid you in that process. We did not create these rules, they have existed
since the beginning of time. Our roles are to present them to you, so that you may be reminded
about the universal truths that guide, love relationships into healthy, happy, and thriving
unions. Rediscovering them will greatly help you in your journey to find, create, and sustain,
authentic and lasting love.
Whether you are in search of your soulmate, or you want to make your existing relationship
more intimate and connected, you will find here exactly what you need to answer your
questions.
Here are 10 introspective questions based on the Authentic Love chapter to guide you in
reflecting on authentic love and relationships:
1. What is my definition of authentic self?
2. What do I need to do to connect with others more authenticlally?
3. What steps can I take to create a magical relationship rather than focusing on its
judgemnts, difernces and challenges?
4. What can I do to improve my respect and trust for my partner?
5. What can I do to improve my abilty to improve reaching out, asking questions,
and communicating with my parner?
6. When disagreements or challenges arise, what can I do to activate my win-win
skills?
7. What specific qualities of my partner do I appreciate?
8. What can I do to express my gratitude more consistently to my partner to ensure
they feel valued and cherished?
9. In what ways can I live each day with my partner as if it were our last?
10. What can I do to create safety, harmony, and deeper authenticity in our
relationship?
Enjoy the journey with trusting love,
Dr. Cherie and Michael P.
